Originally published by The Onion, America's Finest News Source
SKOKIE, IL—Toshiro Tenchumaru, a 34-year-old ninja and longtime employee at Azuma Copier Corporation in Skokie, stealthily took the lives of 12 co-workers Monday after suffering what investigators theorize was "a breakdown due to job-related stress." The disgruntled ninja was later captured by police while attempting to flee on foot across telephone lines. Tenchumaru, who, according to office manager Diane Ellsworth, had been "unusually quiet lately, even for him," was reportedly deeply upset about his worklife. Above is a photo captured on the company's surveillance camera.